I'm writing this blog as a challenge to myself more than anything else. People say that blogging is cathartic, and for me that seems a great opportunity to confront my demons in some kind of public media.
So what demons am I talking about?
One really. Pornography.
Not the magnificent album of the that name by The Cure, obviously. I mean Porn.
Pictures Of Random Nudes
Simple as that.
I'm coming up 42 now, and have been 'clean' for the last six months, which is something I have been wanting to achieve for the last handful of years.
That means that I think I have overcome habitual use of pornography, via the web, magazines, whatever.
It's been hard, and I'm trying to do my part in the campaign to recognise that Porn is an addictive drug to which some people are vulnerable.
I really believe I have an addiction.
Reading Junky and Naked Lunch recently has done more to confirm that - while Burroughs is talking about narcotics, I am talking about porn. Same but different, though the symptoms of addiction are similar.

And I am clean. At the moment. I no longer have a habit, and I'm dead proud of that. This is easily the longest period clean period I have ever experienced. But its like anything else. Dieting, for instance. Or smoking. You need a fundamental lifestyle change in order to succeed, because habits are only the symptom of some bigger malaise. I'll dig out the article I read form the Philosphers Journal a while back which makes this point far better than I could.
I feel now that I have acheived that new perspective. It seems ridiculous now, and oddly embarassing, and really cringe-ingly pathetic.
I have called it CHRaP simply because the way out for me has been through finding and developing an active faith. A CHRistian Against Porn, that's me.
Though not exactly 'against'. I am not and hopefully never will turn ino an Anti-Porn campaigner. That's not what this is about.
Its just about me, and how I fell inot an addictive relationship with an attractive seducer that sucked me in and has deeply affected my sexuality, to a detrimental effect I think. BUt that's what happened to me. It might not happen to everyone, and those that are comfortable with their situation and relationship are not meant to take offence or see this as some kind of judgemental crusade.
All I am saying is beware, she is a devilish charmer, working erosively...

Anyway, I'm rambling.

What I would like to do in the pages that follow is to turn the mirror on myself. To write the story of my relationship with Porn, which covers more or less the twenty five year period that represents most of my adult life.
I'm not sure how it will pan out, but I will attempt to follow things chronologically and the analysis hopefully understanding will come subsequently.